Saturday, May 15, 2010

Cat Killed The Radio Star

Benjamin Franklin once said that there were only two certainties in life: taxes and the death of small animals at the paws of Cat. While Mr. Franklin's prediction probably sounded a trifle strange to those within earshot (who changed the phrase to simply read "death" when Ben wasn't paying attention), he was certainly not incorrect, as every entry in this blog will prove.

Of course, had Franklin lived today, he may have also added "the inexorable forward march of technology" to his list of unavoidable realities. Where we once had horse-drawn buggies we now have automobiles. Where we once had swords we now have assault rifles. Where we once had velociraptors we now have Cat.

And like the velociraptors who were replaced with a predator more lethal, more cunning, and a hundred times more fuzzy, wuzzy, wuzzy, so too have Cat's exploits been replaced with something more appealing to modern man.

So pour yourself a drink dear reader. Sit back in a comfortable chair and relax yourself. Today, instead of a series of pictures, I present the first live-action video footage of Cat's exploits.

I shouldn't have to warn you by now, but please, if there are any children or people of weak constitution in the audience, we urge you, for the sake of any delicate fabrics or valuable electronics nearby, do not press play on the video window below.

You'll just end up covered in vomit and sadness.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Death Is But A Game

Proving that he has no regard for the sanctity of life, Cat decided to promote his latest kill with a bit of cruel gamesmanship. After drawing my attention to the poor victim, Cat proceeded to bat the nearly dead corpse up and down a flight of stairs, pausing only to ensure that I was still paying attention.

Even after the body had stopped moving, Cat continued to defile it, tossing the unmoving form into the air, catching it, then batting it against the wall two, three, four times. Each time the tiny rodent's remains would bounce off the unmoving carpeted surface with a sickening thud, offering Cat enough lively interaction to entertain his bloodthirsty mind.

"I don't care that this thing is dead! If I hit it hard enough it will move and that's reason enough to hit it again!" he seemed to say with each vicious swipe of his lethal claws.