Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Horror, The Horror

Faithful readers will recall my last entry in which I detailed Cat's new favorite method of rodent assassination: Destroying the brain by masticating the skull.

I offered up an example along with that last post, but it didn't quite illustrate the truly horrific nature of this killing method. Tonight's kill however, well let's just hope you didn't eat before visiting the blog today.

I don't know what's more disgusting, picking the corpse up for disposal and having one of the tenuously attached ocular orbs fall onto my leg, or listening to Cat crunching away at the rodent while snapping these photos.

Do you have any idea what tiny skull shattering into fragments under the teeth of Nature's most perfect killing machine sounds like?

As of a few minutes ago, I do.

Monday, March 15, 2010

A Taste For Brains

Apologies for the gulf between the last bloody update and this one. I went on vacation, left Cat at home and couldn't convince anyone to take up the grisly task of documenting the wholesale slaughter.

'Tis just as well anyway. The night I return Cat decides to surprise me with a particularly grusome gift.Instead of merely killing and delivering another rat, this one was the unfortunate victim of a horrific new killing method Cat has been testing: Devouring the brain, through the skull.

Like so many walnuts in the jaws of maniacal nutcrackers, I walked out into the hallway to find Cat crunching through the surprisingly soft skull of his latest kill. On further inspection I noticed that it was only so soft because Cat had apparently spent many minutes smashing it to bits with his jaws. He didn't seem to want to remove any parts of the skull, so the rat's head was quite intact, but it had the consistency of an overused hackey sack, complete with metaphorical beans spilling from the holes that went unnoticed by me until the corpse was safely in my hand.

I can only hope Cat saw this as some sort of pre-emptive strike should his victims ever attempt some form of mass zombified revenge.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Another Night, Another Corpse

For the second night in a row, Cat delivers death. It's almost like he knows he's got an audience now and feels the need to put on a show for you people.

On the plus side, Cat politely opted not to wake me up with plaintive mewls when he brought this one in.

On the negative side however, I had no idea there was a dead, mutilated corpse lying on the floor of my bathroom until I tripped on it (in bare feet) on my way to pee a few moments ago.

As an aside, I'd like to draw everyone's attention to the giant wound around the rodent's shoulder/neck area. It seems that severing the spinal column has recently become Cat's preferred method of execution, whereas a few months ago he preferred slicing their tiny stomachs open, pulling out their insides, and letting them bleed to death.

I don't know if that means that Cat has become more humane (catmane?) or if he just got tired of listening to them squeak like bitches for minutes on end. Either way, I pity the local wildlife.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Two For One

You may be wondering why I chose tonight to start documenting Cat's activities. The answer is simple: While Cat has always been a prolific killer, tonight he's been consumed with an unholy bloodlust the likes of which the Ancient Sumerians would pen epic poetry about and Sam Raimi would ascribe to angry, demonic trees.

Twice in the span of the last 3 hours I've been pulled from my bed by his mewling outside my door, only to find him chewing through the spine of a dead animal in the middle of the hall.

After the first kill I got the idea to set this thing up, so it's almost polite of him to then find another target to kick things off around here.

Thus, I give you the inaugural kill.

Sadly, I may not technically be able to give Cat credit for this one.

While he dragged it inside and mutilated the poor thing, he left it alive and I was forced to snap its neck to end its suffering.

Never let anyone tell you that owning a cat isn't a grisly business.

And So It Begins

This is Cat.

Cat is a cat.

Cat is also a sadistic killer.

This blog is Cat's Body Count. Cat's Body Count is a record of Cat's late night exploits into the realm of disemboweling, beheading, and otherwise assassinating the local animal population in some truly brutal ways.

Why am I keeping track of the dead animals Cat brings home? Because no fewer than three nights this week have I been awoken by Cat's plaintive mewls from my bathroom, urging me to come see the "presents" he's dragged home (and splattered all over the linoleum floor).

And now you all get to share in my joy. Merry Christmas.